Are You a Choosy Single?

By Guest Blogger Dr. Daniel Lee

If you’re single and choosy it may benefit you to use a L.E.A.D.E.R.ship approach in your social engagement experiences.

In this day and age, paradigm shifts are necessary to help some people get unstuck and change unproductive behaviors that are prohibiting them from achieving their relationship goals.

One model which is based on Dr. Harold Arnold’s book, Marriage Rocks, encourages people looking for love to move from the “compatibility worldview” aka “the perfect match syndrome” to a “suitability model” aka “a purpose driven approach.”

I decided to extend this concept to singles because this simple change in perspective opens you up to a new pool of potentially eligible and interested singles. You can begin to explore for social engagement experiences that challenge you and your interested single to stretch, seek complementary points of interests and challenge you to grow and fulfill your God-given purpose or destiny.

Additionally, these strategies help singles navigate the social scene and the disappointments sometimes associated with developing, managing and ending romantic relationships. One of the key benefits for using my L.E.A.D.E.R.ship model is that it allows singles to create a space for transparent and authentic communication and interaction, which I describe as “love of my life conversations.” These conversations position singles to communicate, share and negotiate their personal value equally in their relationships.

Here are some tips that I derived from my book, “Do What You’re Built For” to help the choosy single:

• Listen and be open to contact from an interested single, look for sincere interactions.

• Engage fully in the relational experience, be authentic and transparent and create this mood in your relationship.

• Assess the suitability of the relationship; Can this person help me fulfill my purpose? Can I help them fulfill their purpose?

• Direct the relationship using a value perspective, remember to love, nurture and protect yourself and your interested single, even if you’re not suited for each other, come and go in love.

• Encourage yourself and your interested single to fulfill their God-given purpose, courageously live and communicate your vision and gauge each other’s ability to support each other.

• Redemption is a necessary component in the social engagement process, learn to forgive yourself and others when you experience disappointments in your relationships, then open yourself up to moving on and being fully available for the next interested single.

In sum, singles need to redefine their social engagement scene and challenge other interested singles to do the same.

Chronically single people face a choice; one will either continue down the well-traveled road of looking for Mr. or Ms. Right or chose to take a detour and cruise toward a road less traveled while being open to meeting, talking, engaging and loving Mr. or Ms. Right Fit.

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Dr. Daniel Lee, Psy.D., CSP, is a Philadelphia-based Author, Psychologist and Certified Life Coach. His latest book, co-authored with Fred Anderson, is titled Do What You’re Built For: A Self Development Guide Using Coaching Principles. www.dwybf.com

To schedule an interview with Dr. Daniel Lee or book him for media appearances contact She Got Game Media at (914) 572-3671.