Finding Your Path To Pregnancy After 40

By Guest Blogger Iris Waichler, MSW, LCSW

I recently was a guest on Dr. Veronica Anderson’s, Wellness for the Real World show.  We discussed issues faced by women who are 40 or older who want to have a child.  Today’s statistics show women are starting later to have families due to their careers. The average age of marriage for women has moved from 22 in the 1900’s to 27 today.  More women are getting divorced, starting second families, or choosing to have children without being married.

Angel, a panelist on the show, discussed her 2^nd marriage and her desire to have children again.  Dr Veronica shared her plan to begin a new family in her 40’s.  I also started my family building efforts at age 42 when I got married. I had my daughter one month before my 46^th birthday.  I chose to use an egg donor because medically that was my only option for pregnancy. The core question raised in this discussion is what options do older women have in their quest to build their families?

Panelist Dr. Vito Cordone, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist, has a specialty fertility clinic practice working with women in their 40’s.  He pointed out that as women age the quality of their eggs and the number of eggs produced diminishes.  But he also said that women in their 40’s can and do get pregnant daily. He explained that 97% of older women who are pregnant without any health problems in their first trimester do go on to have a baby.  Good nutrition, good health, exercise, and yoga are all factors that research has shown contribute to a woman’s natural ability to conceive.

Fertility clinics generally choose to work with younger women who are more apt to have healthy births.  These clinics must submit data on their fertility treatment success rates to the Center for Disease Control to be made available as public records.  Clinics like to work with women that have the optimal chances for having healthy births so their statistics look better than competing clinics.

It is important for each woman 40 or older who is considering becoming a mother again or for the first time to think carefully about what path she chooses to get there. You and your partner should have a thorough physical so you understand any medical conditions that might inhibit your ability to conceive or carry a baby through a full term pregnancy and healthy birth.

Find a physician who has experience working with women your age doing the type of treatment you have selected. Choose someone who is accessible and will listen to your feelings and answer your questions respectfully.

There are many questions to consider as you try to determine your personal path to pregnancy. What are your goals? How important is having a biological link with your child?  Do you want to try to conceive without medical intervention even if your odds of pregnancy are lower?  What are your treatment options?  Are you willing to consider an egg donor or surrogacy? What does your insurance cover?  What are your financial constraints?

When trying to become a parent later in life there will be emotional, medical, physical, financial and societal challenges.  Some will make judgments about what should be the final age before you stop trying to build your family.  Don’t allow these judgments to influence your determination about pursuing parenthood.  People in their 40’s or older are successfully giving birth to healthy children and they can become wonderful parents.

Being an older parent has its advantages.  My husband and I traveled around the world and fulfilled many career goals before we had our daughter.  We also were more financially stable.  These factors allow us to focus more time and energy on our daughter being the best parents we can.  We also were emotionally more mature which helped us feel better equipped to make decisions and face parenting challenges that have arisen.

Dr. Cardone wisely said “you need to do whatever you can to enhance your opportunity to get pregnant.”  You know yourself and your body.  Discuss it with your partner if you have one.   Figure out what feels right for you on your journey to parenthood.  I wish you luck whatever path you ultimately choose.

Iris Waichler, MSW, LCSW, has been a licensed clinical social worker for over 30 years.  She has done workshops, individual, and group counseling with people experiencing infertility. She authored Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster: A Guide to Educate and Inspire which won 4 major book awards including best book of the year from Mom’s Choice and NAPPA. She currently writes freelance infertility and health related articles. Her website is www.infertilityrollercoaster.com