Give Yourself the Gift of Kindness This Holiday

by guest blogger Elizabeth Manuel

Disagreements with family members are something that most of us experience at one time or another. Sometimes the holidays creep up on us while we are still in the thick of these quarrels. Families are our biggest triggers during this time of year, because there can be so much guilt and emotional baggage during the festive season. But if you are looking for a reason to stop being a Grinch this season, consider this: you will allow your children to be happy and thus be guilt-free themselves. They will grow up in an emotionally healthy way. Tell yourself: “If I place my happiness in the hands of others I am giving away my own power. It is only by being happy myself that I can really give the best present of all, the gift of being joy-filled in the moment.”

Giving yourself permission to be happy is real love, and it is only when you truly love yourself that you can express your love to others. It is not a betrayal of your self to enjoy life without acceptance from every family member. Be prepared with a few of your favorite things. Make this a holiday to remember. Do that which gives you bliss: Draw, sing, dance, have a bath, watch movies, journal, go for a walk, blast your favorite music. The days can be yours to savor and enjoy as a precious gift to yourself. If you normally plan your time around your family, now you can choose some indulgent time for yourself. If you have favorite foods, stock up. If you have a favorite movie, rent it. Be proactive and decide ahead of time to relish the opportunities as they appear.

One fabulous way to soothe your emotions is to practice kindness. I have been the recipient of kindness, a giver of kindness and a witness to kindness. Every memory of kindness evokes wonderful and positive feelings in my brain and body. It makes me smile and brings a sense of contentment and peace.

Think of a time when you’ve been the recipient of a kind act. Relationships are the foundation of life and by being kind we nurture and develop them. We are designed to be social and those of us who develop loving relationships are boosting our health and happiness. Kindness is considered a spiritual practice.

Science has proven that practicing kindness stimulates a part of the brain known as the anterior cingulate, which in turns calms the amygdala, a part of the brain which helps us process our emotions.

Practicing kindness for a few minutes every day helps to train your brain to suppress anger and fear by allowing blood to flow into your frontal lobes. Stress and anger put your body on constant alert and flood your system with adrenaline and cortisol, which reduces your body’s capacity to repair and care for itself. If it stays on high alert it further increases anger, fear, and distrust.

Neurochemicals created by anger, anxiety, and stress can damage the hippocampus (the part of the brain that helps us organize, store and process our memories). The good news is that spiritual practices can help you grow new neurons in your hippocampus and send calming soothing neurochemicals, like serotonin, into your nervous system. Deliberately practicing kindness will help your brain increase your happiness and have a positive effect in every aspect of your life. I have learned that when we are exposed to anger it takes only one second for our brains to respond in kind. We immediately shut down our frontal lobes making it impossible to listen and communicate well. Using and deliberately practicing kindness will bring more peace into the world and support your brain in a health-enhancing manner. Remember, you can’t control the people around you, but you can control how you react. Show love to those around you, and yourself, by practicing kindness this holiday season.

As Canada’s leading happiness expert, Elizabeth Manuel has worked throughout Canada with educators, entrepreneurs, seniors, and people from all walks of life. Today, Elizabeth is the founder of MetaMind Consulting. She shares practical tools, solid research and mood boosting techniques, by bringing smiles, contentment and prosperity into the lives of others. Elizabeth can be reached at (780) 445.9299 or metamind@shaw.ca.
 Follow her online at www.elizabethmanuel.blogspot.com or on twitter @happinessexpert.