Raising Kids To Have a Healthy Sex Life

By Guest Blogger, Dr. Nancy S Buck

How interesting and entertaining to be part of Dr. Veronica’s recent broadcast (5/11/11) about Raising kids to have a healthy sex life. Whether parents or children are using the authority of the Bible, parent as teacher, books, or attending and participating in Sex Ed Boot camp, for me the issue is understanding that the urge for sex is biological and part of our basic, biological instructions.

All people, starting as babies, are born with biological and psychological instructions.  We experience these instructions as an urge to behave.  When you are at the bottom of a swimming pool filled with water, you do not hang out down there, underwater, wondering what to do.  After a period of time you experience an urge; the urge to get above the level of the water and breathe air.  This is one of the biological instructions all people (including children) are born with.  We have other urges, such as the urge to stand upright on our hind legs and walk, the urge to eat, the urge to eliminate, and so on.  We also are born with the urge to behave sexually, so that man and woman would get together, have sex and hopefully procreate.  As biological beings we are driven to make more of our own species.

However, just because people are born with these urges, these instructions, we are not born knowing how to follow these instructions responsibly.  Responsibly means the ability to follow our instructions and meet our needs in ways that do not interfere with other people’s ability to meet their own needs.  A parent’s job, as well as other teachers of children, is to help children learn how to follow all of their instructions responsibly.  This is sexual education.  Unfortunately, some people believe that educating children makes them sexual.  Not so. Our children are going to be sexual whether we educate them or not!  It is part of our biology.

The controversy begins when we enter into the discussion of how to sexually educate children.  For some, including Holly Boyd, they will use scripture and the Holy Bible.  Although I appreciate her position, it is not one I can advocate.  For me the problem begins when Holly states that the Holy Bible provides absolute truth.  But what happens for those who don’t believe?

John Morella spoke of advocating beginning sexual education for pre-kindergartners.  I agree, and believe it should start even earlier. When parents are teaching their children body parts, what words are used to describe the sexual body parts?  Are parents using words like penis, vagina, and vulva?  If parents use pseudonyms like peepee, vagigi or down there parents have already started the sexual education for their children that implies inaccuracy, mystery at best and at the worst shame.

Finally, I think Dr. Veronica’s mother is our best advisor and teacher.  When teaching our children sexual education teaching about respectful, intimate and loving relationships that include erotic and sexual aspects are best included as well as the biology and mechanics.  It seems to me, all the other variations on the discussion having to do with girls using sexual currency to gain power and boys using emotional currency to gain sex have more to do with the other psychological needs that people are born with.  Learning to develop a healthy sexual relationship needs to start with helping our children to develop healthy, loving relationships with themselves and their own bodies then learning to develop respectful, intimate, loving relationships with another.

Fresh, funny and unafraid:  Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. tackles the tough topics facing all families in a lively presentation that audiences relate to and remember.  Dr. Buck earned a Ph.D. in developmental psychology with an emphasis on parenting.  She is the founder of PEACEFUL PARENTING®which is based on her experiences as an educator, trainer and above all, parent.  For over two decades she has been a senior faculty member of the William Glasser Institute and has trained thousands of educators and other professionals in choice theory, reality therapy and Glasser Quality Schools. Now she is applying this experience to PEACEFUL PARENTING®. Her mission?  To make the world a better place one child and one parent at a time.

To learn more please visit www.peacefulparenting.com