There Is a Reason Why Acts of Adultery are Referred to as “Cheating”
By guest blogger Alan Roger Currie
Tuesday night, I was offered the opportunity for the second time to be a guest contributor to a discussion on Dr. Veronica Anderson’s talk radio podcast program, Wellness for the Real World. Previously, I had contributed to a discussion about “Why women lust after ‘bad boy’ types,” but this week, the discussion centered on “Why Women Cheat.”
I have heard and read in various media publications where some dating and relationships experts attempt to give women a “pass” for cheating, and feel like some of their reasons for committing adultery are more excusable than men. Some of these experts will say, “Men cheat because of their egos and a total lack of self-control. Many women cheat because they are being ignored, taken for granted and/or underappreciated by their husbands. They are lonely and they need and deserve love.”
That is a crock of you-know-what. Let me say this very clearly: Cheating is cheating. Just the term ‘cheating’ means that you are exhibiting behavior that is unfair and unethical in nature. When you are cheating on your wife or husband, what this usually represents is that you want to temporarily or indefinitely be afforded the option of having access to at least one additional sex partner, but you also want to maintain the misleading and disingenuous façade of monogamy with your spouse.
My attitude is if you are truly unhappy, frustrated, and/or sexually dissatisfied in your marriage, the first thing you should do is discuss this problem with your spouse. See if you and your spouse can identify mutually beneficial solutions to your problems. Even bring in a marriage therapist and/or sex therapist if need be. If this does not solve your problems, then in worst case scenario, you need to discuss the possibility of separation or divorce.
As I said on Dr. Anderson’s show on Tuesday evening, I think asking “Why do men/women cheat?” is the wrong question. I believe a better question to ask is, “Why do men and women with promiscuous tendencies tend to indefinitely ‘pretend’ as though they want to be monogamous?”
I have my own opinions as to why this is. There are many men in society who want to have short-term and/or non-monogamous sex with women who they perceive as ‘high quality,’ but these women will convey to these men that they are not down for any sort of ‘casual’ sex encounters. Therefore, these men indefinitely ‘pretend’ to have monogamous intentions, but in reality, they want to exchange orgasms with as many desirable women as they possibly can.
Women are similar, but yet a little bit different. Women can get men to have casual sex just about anytime they want to. So for women, getting a casual sex partner does not provide the same challenge that it usually does for men. Many women find themselves in situations where the men who they are most attracted to sexually are not the same men who are good fathers, good listeners, good providers, and/or highly dependable and responsible non-sexual companions. Therefore, what a lot of women do is date and marry a man who is a “good guy,” but have sex on the side with a man who is somewhat of a ‘bad boy,’ and has exceptional sex skills that satisfy a woman’s carnal, lustful desires.
Still, these women want to have their German Chocolate cake in their stomach and on their kitchen counter at the same time as well. Cheating is Cheating.
Many men and women believe that the most hurtful aspect of cheating is that your spouse was erotically intimate with someone else. That is not necessarily true. The most hurtful aspect is the dishonesty, deception, and secrecy that accompany acts of adultery. Honesty and trust are arguably the two most important components of any type of relationship. Once you lose credibility as an honest, trustworthy person … it will be hard for any person in a relationship or friendship with you to take anything you say serious from that point forward. Ultimately, that will leave you in this world as one lonely individual.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking and also the Host of the popular talk radio podcast program, Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie. Currie’s next book, due out in December 2011, is entitled Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex